Life is good. :)

Bharat bandh? No, thanks.

'Mom, It's raining and there's a bandh. Are you sure you wanna risk it? I mean, it's SO sticky and gloomy out there', I said staring out at the window, tired of everything. I mean 34 hours of no sleep, the inedible train food and rain don't actually make a person very optimistic.

'You don't care about your admission Sowmyaaaa. (My mom takes great pleasure in dragging my name, long and loud.) I took a 3-day leave very unnecessarily. You are better left alone. Ask your dad to accompany you next time. His pay isn't even...', she started her endless list of complaints and reasons.

A total mood turner.

I was about to retort but realized there was absolutely no use trying to reason with an upset mom and just waited for her to finish her make-up so that we could go and report in the college which was situated on the other end of the city.

Tick, tok, tick, tok..

25 minutes later, I was finally able to drag her out. It was still raining but thankfully there was a rickshaw wala near the gate. 'MVP colony chaloge bhaiyya?', Mom asked. 'Nahi', came a very abrupt reply. 'Kitna chahiye?', Mom tried bribing him. '300', he said without even looking up from his telugu newspaper. I looked at mom and she reminded me of a pressure cooker that was about to burst. At this point I was hopeful that the trip to college could be postponed and I could go back to my darling laptop but somehow mom thought better and agreed without further argument. 'Crap', I thought to myself and tried getting in without touching anything wet but unfortunately everything was wet. Including me.

So started the supposed to be long journey to the other end of the city. I decided that my plan failed and was about to plug in my ear-phones when the auto stopped very suddenly. 'WTH!..', I started when I saw the guy who'd stopped the auto but I lost the train of thought as I saw the wooden log in his hand. By the time I could figure out what was happening, the auto was surrounded by 7-8 people with logs, knives, chains and everything imaginable.

'Out!', said the guy who had the wooden log in his hand while another guy tried to pull out the keys.

'Arre, hawa nikalo', he ordered the others who obeyed his command without any hesitation.

I looked at mom who was equally stupefied and was staring at the auto driver who was trying to save his vehicle from destruction, but in vain.

'Bhaiyya! Urgent kaam hai, chod do hume..', Mom was trying to tell the guy who was trying to pull the luggage out of the rickshaw.

'Get out. Now. Or else we'll set the auto on fire', the scariest of the lot said and he must have meant it because Mom took my hand and dragged me out in a hurry and half-walked, half-ran to the nearest roof for shelter.

The next thing I saw was the front glass of the auto being smashed into a million pieces and the driver hopelessly crying and persuading them to not cause further damage.

I was stunned by shock and surprise because these were the kind of things that happened on TV and not in reality. And it was not until I came back to the safety of my room did I realize the depth of the day's happenings. It happened between 9:30-9:45 on 05-07-2010.

Aren't Bandhs supposed to be for the welfare of the common citizen?

Bharat Bandh? No, Thanks. We are better off without your concern.

So here I am. Again. After months of abandoning my already pathetic blog. Well, I have been busy lately. Busy doing nothing actually. The much anticipated and much longed for Summer vacation is done and my college commences on 7th July. College. Wow. I ended up somewhere. Some place. Without turning into a total loser. I am finally going to College.

Which college?

Let's see how far I have come in these few months.

Checklist:

-> Giving my best in 12th - Check.

-> Preparing for other exams - Check.

-> Falling sick before IIT JEE - Check.

-> Destroying IIT - Check.

-> Falling sick after IIT - Check.

-> Qualifying in Gitam - Check.

-> Getting disqualified in everything else - Check.

-> Shifting to Bangalore - Check.

Yeah, so there has been nothing really exciting or anything. Obviously. And yeah, I'm getting into one of the 3 colleges I'd qualified for, the other 2 being really pathetic ones. No chocolates for guessing which one.

Anyway, past is past so let's move on.

With 2 days of my vacation left, I'm here, trying to write inspiring stuff on my dying blog. (Sarcasm intended) But I'm sure I'll end up feeling miserable.

I miss things way too much. Things I shouldn't even miss.

I miss my school.

I miss my Jr. College.

I miss my classroom.

I miss the green-black board.

I miss the chalk fights, the water-fights, the fun.

I miss my friends, friends I don't even talk to these days.

And now I have many more things to miss.

I'll miss my home.

The coziness of my room.

The million soft cuddly toys.

I'll miss my family and I'll miss Bangalore.

I'll miss my friends, my best friends.

I'll miss my pillow.

I'll miss my...

You get the flow.

Basically, I'll miss everything. Home to hostel shift is not a very pleasant one, of course.

But I am a teeny-weeny bit excited too (Applause for my positive attitude please).

College, hostel, new friends, new guys ;) and new everything. Yay!

So on this happy note, I stop writing and I turn off the lights. Good night everyone.

P.S. All the things/people I already miss or I will miss, I love these things/people way too much.

Talking to myself.

What am I doing?

I have that gut feeling, that something, somewhere is just not right. That 'train chut rahi hai' type feeling.

Why am I online when I'm supposed to be studying for my pre-boards which start tomorrow?

I honestly don't know.

Whatever I am doing, I am just not happy with it. No satisfaction. Nope. Not at all.

I used to put my heart, mind and soul into doing something earlier. I used to love what I was doing. I used to smile.

And now it is gone. I don't know how many days it has been since I've smiled. Smiled with my heart.

Last year, same time, I was jumping around shouting 'Yay, My birthday is 4 days away! Yay!!'. This year, I hardly feel anything. I'm like, 'Oh yeah, my birthday.' when my friends remind me that 31st is not far away.

Why?

What is wrong with me?

Somehow during these last few months, I've lost myself. I can't believe I am saying this. Or rather writing this. Maybe I am writing it here because I know no one I know personally is gonna read it. Because no one is gonna bother.

I was this very self-obsessed creature till '09. 'I love myself' was my favorite sentence and sometimes it also acted like a statement of self defense when I spent too much at the mall, or when I was accused of being selfish.

I no longer say it.

I DON'T like it.

Maths, Physics, Chemistry are good. I like them. But I don't love them. I don't enjoy solving books and books filled with Calculus problems. Neither do I smile when I see millions of organic reactions.

I don't feel like doing Math when I am upset, I feel like painting.

I don't feel like solving Physics when I am tired of life, I feel like writing.

I feel like pouring my thoughts into the paper and then when I am done, I smile. I look at it and Smile. Satisfaction.

I saw the movie '3 Idiots' 6 times.

Why?

Because I thought Mum would understand the meaning. Mum would understand that this is not where I belong. That this is not what I wanna do.

I don't want to go through the same ordeal that millions and millions of students are going through. I don't wanna become an Engineer. I don't wanna go work for some goddamn MNC.

I want my life to be something good. Something worth looking back at when I am in my dying stages. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. I don't want it to be something I'd regret looking back at.

Please.

Sigh.

As I end this post and publish it, I know nothing is gonna change. I will shut my lappie or maybe play some songs on the ancient WMP, open my Math text and start studying because I don't wanna disappoint her. I want her to be proud of me.

Because I love her.

P.S. : I'd given up my Orkut/Facebook/Blogger password till March but I couldn't resist.

@T.L. Sorry. You have every right to change the password again and this time I won't click on 'I forgot my password.'

A letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

I know my letter is a bit late but it is only because of India's splendid BSNL connection. The only time it works properly is when there is a power cut in the area. Anyway, complaints aside, I've written this letter to send my wishlist just like any other kid (I ain't legal yet, so I can call myself a kid right? ) and I hope fervently that you will grant my wishes.

05) Let there be political peace in this world. (I am so tired of people killing each other. No one cries for them anymore. No one even tries to say a 'RIP' prayer for them.)

04) I could not find winter this year. Did I misplace it? If yes, Please give it back to me, because I love it very very much. (I could not wear my jackets,sweatshirts :( )

03) I want to see how empty hospitals look. (Please, please grant me this one if not the rest)

02) Family, friends and everyone I know and do not know should be 'Happy-happy', grant their wishes too and if they forgot to send you a letter, peep into their minds. (I know it's a bad habit but they'll excuse you for this one)

01) I wish I never existed. ( It's okay if you can't grant this one. You can stop my existence now.)

Thanking you,

Sowmya

The haunting memories.

As I walked outside and looked up at the sky

It seemed like the clouds, with me, wanted to cry

The glowing bonfire which ultimately dies

reminded me of your shining eyes;

The laughs, the smiles and all the little things we shared

seemed so real but now I know you'd never cared

I was just a passing milestone.

a dying star which never shone;

Somewhere I knew it was not right,

But I'd created a virtual world in which you were my knight.

But the world of make-believe never lasts long

and I was forced see how everything had gone too wrong.

And my bubble burst and I was no longer the princess

Just my usual self, feeling very useless.

As I continue to walk, I couldn't help but to let out a sigh,

As tears rolled down my eyes, how I wished I could once again be by your side..

A Dedication.

It's been a rush last month and I don't know where all those sundays and mondays have gone. I don't remember what happened in the past week nor do I remember any major incident that has occurred.

Hurried texts - 'Hey, Shelly get the chem text. I'll get the physics one. Oh btw good morning. '

And rejecting calls - 'Oh Fuk, I'm so sorry but I can't talk right now. I so have to run! Love ya, Mwaaxh! '

Skipping breakfast - 'LATE! LATE! LATE!'

And chucking lunch - 'Gotta run for pracs, lunch later.'

But somehow when I was walking back home from college and it was all silent (Cuz my I-Pod was dead obviously!) a friend's words came into my mind - ' Do you know? When I walk back alone.. through a lonely street just when the lovely golden pinkish sun sets ..the cool breeze.. no vehicles all alone..i think of all the good things i could do and be in life...' and I realised just how long it has been since I gave some time to myself, my thoughts, my life.

So here I am finally publishing a post, listening to songs, thinking about my past, present, future and thanking god for blessing me with such Wunnerful buddies :) (The same friend's accent).

This post is dedicated to all of you guys who've made a difference in my life. Love ya all so much!

10) Naina Trivedi - The popular girl in school.

9) Puneet Passi - The guy who saved me from spankings in coaching.

8) Sneha - The childhood buddy.

7) Palash Dubey - The best guy friend I'd ever had.

6) *

5) Navankur Shrivastava - The Stranger.

4)Venkat Reddy - The guy who saved my day.

3) Kanchan Chandnani - The girl I can always count on.

2) Shalini Seshagiri - My BFFL.

1) Rahul Mathur - The guy who made me what I am today.

P.S. #6 is for all the amazing buddies in Hyderabad. You guys have made hell so much fun., Kavya, Pavvi, TL, Karthik, Brijesh, Noodles, Deeps, Shiva, Gauthami, Sandy..and the others of course.

Love you all once again.

<3