Bharat bandh? No, thanks.

'Mom, It's raining and there's a bandh. Are you sure you wanna risk it? I mean, it's SO sticky and gloomy out there', I said staring out at the window, tired of everything. I mean 34 hours of no sleep, the inedible train food and rain don't actually make a person very optimistic.

'You don't care about your admission Sowmyaaaa. (My mom takes great pleasure in dragging my name, long and loud.) I took a 3-day leave very unnecessarily. You are better left alone. Ask your dad to accompany you next time. His pay isn't even...', she started her endless list of complaints and reasons.

A total mood turner.

I was about to retort but realized there was absolutely no use trying to reason with an upset mom and just waited for her to finish her make-up so that we could go and report in the college which was situated on the other end of the city.

Tick, tok, tick, tok..

25 minutes later, I was finally able to drag her out. It was still raining but thankfully there was a rickshaw wala near the gate. 'MVP colony chaloge bhaiyya?', Mom asked. 'Nahi', came a very abrupt reply. 'Kitna chahiye?', Mom tried bribing him. '300', he said without even looking up from his telugu newspaper. I looked at mom and she reminded me of a pressure cooker that was about to burst. At this point I was hopeful that the trip to college could be postponed and I could go back to my darling laptop but somehow mom thought better and agreed without further argument. 'Crap', I thought to myself and tried getting in without touching anything wet but unfortunately everything was wet. Including me.

So started the supposed to be long journey to the other end of the city. I decided that my plan failed and was about to plug in my ear-phones when the auto stopped very suddenly. 'WTH!..', I started when I saw the guy who'd stopped the auto but I lost the train of thought as I saw the wooden log in his hand. By the time I could figure out what was happening, the auto was surrounded by 7-8 people with logs, knives, chains and everything imaginable.

'Out!', said the guy who had the wooden log in his hand while another guy tried to pull out the keys.

'Arre, hawa nikalo', he ordered the others who obeyed his command without any hesitation.

I looked at mom who was equally stupefied and was staring at the auto driver who was trying to save his vehicle from destruction, but in vain.

'Bhaiyya! Urgent kaam hai, chod do hume..', Mom was trying to tell the guy who was trying to pull the luggage out of the rickshaw.

'Get out. Now. Or else we'll set the auto on fire', the scariest of the lot said and he must have meant it because Mom took my hand and dragged me out in a hurry and half-walked, half-ran to the nearest roof for shelter.

The next thing I saw was the front glass of the auto being smashed into a million pieces and the driver hopelessly crying and persuading them to not cause further damage.

I was stunned by shock and surprise because these were the kind of things that happened on TV and not in reality. And it was not until I came back to the safety of my room did I realize the depth of the day's happenings. It happened between 9:30-9:45 on 05-07-2010.

Aren't Bandhs supposed to be for the welfare of the common citizen?

Bharat Bandh? No, Thanks. We are better off without your concern.

So here I am. Again. After months of abandoning my already pathetic blog. Well, I have been busy lately. Busy doing nothing actually. The much anticipated and much longed for Summer vacation is done and my college commences on 7th July. College. Wow. I ended up somewhere. Some place. Without turning into a total loser. I am finally going to College.

Which college?

Let's see how far I have come in these few months.

Checklist:

-> Giving my best in 12th - Check.

-> Preparing for other exams - Check.

-> Falling sick before IIT JEE - Check.

-> Destroying IIT - Check.

-> Falling sick after IIT - Check.

-> Qualifying in Gitam - Check.

-> Getting disqualified in everything else - Check.

-> Shifting to Bangalore - Check.

Yeah, so there has been nothing really exciting or anything. Obviously. And yeah, I'm getting into one of the 3 colleges I'd qualified for, the other 2 being really pathetic ones. No chocolates for guessing which one.

Anyway, past is past so let's move on.

With 2 days of my vacation left, I'm here, trying to write inspiring stuff on my dying blog. (Sarcasm intended) But I'm sure I'll end up feeling miserable.

I miss things way too much. Things I shouldn't even miss.

I miss my school.

I miss my Jr. College.

I miss my classroom.

I miss the green-black board.

I miss the chalk fights, the water-fights, the fun.

I miss my friends, friends I don't even talk to these days.

And now I have many more things to miss.

I'll miss my home.

The coziness of my room.

The million soft cuddly toys.

I'll miss my family and I'll miss Bangalore.

I'll miss my friends, my best friends.

I'll miss my pillow.

I'll miss my...

You get the flow.

Basically, I'll miss everything. Home to hostel shift is not a very pleasant one, of course.

But I am a teeny-weeny bit excited too (Applause for my positive attitude please).

College, hostel, new friends, new guys ;) and new everything. Yay!

So on this happy note, I stop writing and I turn off the lights. Good night everyone.

P.S. All the things/people I already miss or I will miss, I love these things/people way too much.

Talking to myself.

What am I doing?

I have that gut feeling, that something, somewhere is just not right. That 'train chut rahi hai' type feeling.

Why am I online when I'm supposed to be studying for my pre-boards which start tomorrow?

I honestly don't know.

Whatever I am doing, I am just not happy with it. No satisfaction. Nope. Not at all.

I used to put my heart, mind and soul into doing something earlier. I used to love what I was doing. I used to smile.

And now it is gone. I don't know how many days it has been since I've smiled. Smiled with my heart.

Last year, same time, I was jumping around shouting 'Yay, My birthday is 4 days away! Yay!!'. This year, I hardly feel anything. I'm like, 'Oh yeah, my birthday.' when my friends remind me that 31st is not far away.

Why?

What is wrong with me?

Somehow during these last few months, I've lost myself. I can't believe I am saying this. Or rather writing this. Maybe I am writing it here because I know no one I know personally is gonna read it. Because no one is gonna bother.

I was this very self-obsessed creature till '09. 'I love myself' was my favorite sentence and sometimes it also acted like a statement of self defense when I spent too much at the mall, or when I was accused of being selfish.

I no longer say it.

I DON'T like it.

Maths, Physics, Chemistry are good. I like them. But I don't love them. I don't enjoy solving books and books filled with Calculus problems. Neither do I smile when I see millions of organic reactions.

I don't feel like doing Math when I am upset, I feel like painting.

I don't feel like solving Physics when I am tired of life, I feel like writing.

I feel like pouring my thoughts into the paper and then when I am done, I smile. I look at it and Smile. Satisfaction.

I saw the movie '3 Idiots' 6 times.

Why?

Because I thought Mum would understand the meaning. Mum would understand that this is not where I belong. That this is not what I wanna do.

I don't want to go through the same ordeal that millions and millions of students are going through. I don't wanna become an Engineer. I don't wanna go work for some goddamn MNC.

I want my life to be something good. Something worth looking back at when I am in my dying stages. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. I don't want it to be something I'd regret looking back at.

Please.

Sigh.

As I end this post and publish it, I know nothing is gonna change. I will shut my lappie or maybe play some songs on the ancient WMP, open my Math text and start studying because I don't wanna disappoint her. I want her to be proud of me.

Because I love her.

P.S. : I'd given up my Orkut/Facebook/Blogger password till March but I couldn't resist.

@T.L. Sorry. You have every right to change the password again and this time I won't click on 'I forgot my password.'

A Dedication.

It's been a rush last month and I don't know where all those sundays and mondays have gone. I don't remember what happened in the past week nor do I remember any major incident that has occurred.

Hurried texts - 'Hey, Shelly get the chem text. I'll get the physics one. Oh btw good morning. '

And rejecting calls - 'Oh Fuk, I'm so sorry but I can't talk right now. I so have to run! Love ya, Mwaaxh! '

Skipping breakfast - 'LATE! LATE! LATE!'

And chucking lunch - 'Gotta run for pracs, lunch later.'

But somehow when I was walking back home from college and it was all silent (Cuz my I-Pod was dead obviously!) a friend's words came into my mind - ' Do you know? When I walk back alone.. through a lonely street just when the lovely golden pinkish sun sets ..the cool breeze.. no vehicles all alone..i think of all the good things i could do and be in life...' and I realised just how long it has been since I gave some time to myself, my thoughts, my life.

So here I am finally publishing a post, listening to songs, thinking about my past, present, future and thanking god for blessing me with such Wunnerful buddies :) (The same friend's accent).

This post is dedicated to all of you guys who've made a difference in my life. Love ya all so much!

10) Naina Trivedi - The popular girl in school.

9) Puneet Passi - The guy who saved me from spankings in coaching.

8) Sneha - The childhood buddy.

7) Palash Dubey - The best guy friend I'd ever had.

6) *

5) Navankur Shrivastava - The Stranger.

4)Venkat Reddy - The guy who saved my day.

3) Kanchan Chandnani - The girl I can always count on.

2) Shalini Seshagiri - My BFFL.

1) Rahul Mathur - The guy who made me what I am today.

P.S. #6 is for all the amazing buddies in Hyderabad. You guys have made hell so much fun., Kavya, Pavvi, TL, Karthik, Brijesh, Noodles, Deeps, Shiva, Gauthami, Sandy..and the others of course.

Love you all once again.

<3

Random thoughts.

I was supposed to start studying at 11:00 according to my so called 'Time-table' and its 13:01 as I type this line. Mid-terms are from Wednesday and I still have 2 chapters to go. I hate math. And conic sections are just worse. I hope I dont end up getting the normal 80 marks again. I know I can cross 90 if I put in a teeny bit of hardwork, but doing the hardwork is the hardest part so here I am wasting my time trying to write something which will interest my readers (if there are any). I think I'd better go and start studying. Yeah, right. I will shut down my lappie, open my books and drift away to dreamland or take out my I-pod and start listening to random songs. I will never change no matter how hard I try to.

:/

Hope you guys are doing a better job of wasting your life.

Adios.

Nostalgic memories..

It was a bad day for sure. Everything was pissing me off. Somehow I managed to get through the day without freaking but the moment I stepped out of the college premises it started pouring. Heavily. That was the last thing I wanted and I wasn't even carrying an umbrella/coat. I started swearing and cursing my luck and looked around for shelter. Luckily I caught the eye of a Rickshaw wala and asked him if he would come. (Hyderabadi autowalas are weird. They will take you to the place where they wanna go, not to the place you wanna go.) Anyway he agreed and I sat with my clothes sticking to me like chewing gum to hair and the rain was splattering across my face no matter how hard I tried not to sit at the open ends. I was still cursing when I stopped at a signal.

Another rick came to a stop beside mine and I glanced casually. It was a school rick. I was surprised. The kids in that rick were so excited and happy at the prospect of getting wet. One guy was actually putting his tongue out trying to taste the rain drops and another little girl her stretched out her small arm to catch the tiny droplets. The innocence and the little joys of those kids struck me loud and hard. It took me back to the time when I was a kid and how much pleasure I used to seek when the monsoon came. And Now, where I was cursing the same rain. How contrasting.

Time sure can change a person.

The innocent and the simple thoughts we have when we are young are replaced by cunning, mean and selfish thoughts as we grow up. Thoughts about how we can beat the other person and race ahead, how we can become successful by pushing the other person down.

It reminds me of a poem I recently read in Eng. class -

"Once upon a time.." by 'W.H Davies'.

Davies sarcastically remarks on how earlier people used to mean their words but now those wel come words have no meaning at all. Now, 'Glad to meet you' means 'Glad to get rid of you' and

'Goodbye' means 'Good riddance'. It is a must read for all people out there.

Well, I guess all I wanna say is I miss being a kid and I miss the happiness.

Time flies leaving you alone with the miseries of life.

So make the most of what you have and stop cursing the rain like me. It is just a natural process important for our survival.